A Love Misunderstood
by The Angel of the Lion
Summary: Sometimes, when we look back on all that's happened in our lives, we realise that a single event can change everything. Quistis discovers the one moment that changed her life forever, and made her see what was truly meant to be.


This is a short little one-shot fic about Quistis reflecting on the events leading up to, and following on from the game, focussing on her relationship with Squall.  I feel I've been a little harsh to Quistis in my stories before now, and I just want to point out that I actually do really like Quistis, I think she's a fantastic character.  Please read and review, I'd like to know what you all think of this.

Do you ever sit down and just think about your life?

Do you ever think about every little thing that's happened to you?

Believe me, it's a life affirming experience.  

Maybe it's the one thing that can give your existence a sense of clarity.  Suddenly, you become more aware of your own place in this world.  It's common belief that we all have one, it's just a question of finding it.  Everybody else…well, they've always had their place, they've always known where they belong.  

But me?  That's a different story all together.  

I thought I had a place, I thought I belonged somewhere.  

It turned out I was wrong.

Before my life changed so drastically, I thought I knew everything there was to know about life.  I had it all planned out, even down to the smallest little detail.  I knew where I wanted to be, and I knew who I wanted to be there with.  

Yes, as foolish as it may sound, I, Quistis Trepe, had been living in a dream world.

In the end, I guess I only had myself to blame.  I mean, what possessed me to try and graduate from SeeD at the age of fifteen?  I was still a child, even if I didn't realise it back then.  I thought that graduating early was the best thing in the world, I was so proud of myself.  But then, why shouldn't I have been?  How could I know, at that young age, what the pressure would do to me?

I suppose it's easy to blame myself in hindsight, but I should have known from the beginning that it would be nothing but bad news.  Suddenly, I became ostracized from all my former friends.  Sure, in the beginning, they were really pleased for me, it was a great honour after all.  But then, I drifted apart from them, they didn't see me as being part of their little group anymore.  I was a SeeD, and they weren't, that was all they saw.  To them, I wasn't the same Quistis that I had been before.  They thought that I had turned into somebody else.  How wrong they were.

The only thing that had changed, was that I was alone.  My old friends had abandoned me, and there was no chance of me making any new ones.  Even the youngest of the SeeDs were still a full two years older than me, and saw me as nothing more than a little girl.  Maybe they were right.

I mean, the reason that I decided to push myself so hard was really childish after all.  When I look back on it, I realise, deep down, that it was all just a cry for attention.  I had always been Miss Average, never the one to stand out from the crowd.  I always thought that that was where I went wrong.  I had always assumed that he refused to acknowledge my existence because I just too dull and boring.  I believed that if I did something unique, then he would notice me.  It was only later that I would find out that I was so very wrong.

_Squall…why did you always have to be so cold?_

It's true, it still hurts me ever so slightly.  I mean, at the time, I thought I loved him, and he was so cold towards me in return.  Even just a kind word now and then would have helped.  I just needed something that made me feel like he didn't hate me.  But instead, I just got the cold shoulder, even when I tried to help him.  I was always breaking up fights and trying to solve disagreements between Squall and Seifer, and what did I get? 

Nothing.

Not one word of thanks. 

That was what hurt the most.  He didn't even recognise the help that I was trying to give him.  

I was so confused about it all.  Did he hate me?  Or maybe, he secretly liked me, but was too nervous to say anything?  I know that I was delusional to think that he may have had feelings for me, but I just couldn't give up hope.  That would have been too hard to bear.  Instead, I tried even harder to get myself noticed, applying for my instructor's licence when I was seventeen.  At least he spoke to me after I became his teacher, even if it was only because he was obliged to.

Maybe if I had have been brave and courageous enough to come out with the truth, then I would have found out that he had no feelings for me all that time ago.  Sure, it would have hurt, but maybe in the long run, it may have made things easier.  

After all, I saw them meet for the very first time, and it felt as though my very heart was being wrenched from my chest.

As soon as he saw her, the man that I loved, the eternal lone wolf, had his world turned upside down.  I had to watch from the balcony, with tears in my eyes, as he spun this woman that he had never met before in his life, around the dance floor.  And as if it couldn't get any worse, he seemed to be having fun.  

That was something I had never seen before.  Squall Leonhart having fun.  

That was when the change in him started. I'm not sure whether the others noticed that it started so soon after he met her, but I certainly did.  After all, I had known him for the longest, and had watched him intently for a very long time.  In the beginning, his personality didn't go through any major changes, but fairly soon, it became clear that he cared for Rinoa more than he would care to admit, even to himself.  

After all, he never told Rinoa to "go talk to a wall."

But, something changed.  Something that would change my whole life forever, a pivotal moment in my history.  Who knows, maybe it was _the_ pivotal moment?

I lost my instructor's licence.  

And suddenly, for the first time in many years, I was able to fit in.  I was just like everybody else.  No longer was I forced to teach people who were barely younger than myself, people who should have considered me their peer.  

Of course, I was devastated at first, who wouldn't be?  It made me look upon myself as a failure, somebody who could never succeed at anything she tried.  My talk with Squall that evening didn't exactly help matters either.  In fact, it made me feel worse.  A good instructor would have taught him to be compassionate and to respect other's feelings, wouldn't they?

However, my first mission after losing my licence changed all that.  

At first, I had been apprehensive about working with Squall, but I discovered that my fears were unfounded.  

Something seemed to have changed.  And there was only one thing that it could have been.

_Rinoa._

I was expecting to hate and despise her.  I mean, I was supposed to be in love with Squall, wasn't I?  It would be natural to have negative feelings towards a woman who was obviously working her way towards the heart of the man you love.

But I didn't.

I didn't hate her at all.  In fact, I liked her.  Sure, I did snap at her that one time in Deling City, but I felt awful about it afterwards.  I didn't mean to speak to her in that way, but I thought that she was going to interfere in a SeeD mission, and I used to take that, and indeed still do, to be very serious.  

That was when I first had doubts about my feelings for Squall.  Did I really love him?  I wasn't so sure.  I definitely did feel something for him, but at the same time, I was desperate to see Rinoa finally find a place in his heart.  

It was only when my past was revealed to me, that I realised the true extent of my feelings towards Squall.  I had grown up with him, known him almost since I was born.  No wonder I felt some sort of bond with him.  I had tried to become like a big sister to him after Ellone left, and those feelings must have lingered with me, even if the memories that went with them did not.  

At least, that's what I believe now.  Maybe I did love Squall.  Or maybe I just felt like it was my duty to protect him, and try and care for him, as I had done at the orphanage.  I still don't know which is the truth.

But in the end, that truth doesn't matter anymore.  

Squall and Rinoa are blissfully in love now, and I couldn't be any more happy for them.  I never thought that I would be able to see Squall truly happy, and when I think about it, I realise that I could never have brought this happiness to him.  We're far too alike and too serious about our work to ever make a relationship work between us.  If only I had discovered this soon after I arrived at Garden, I would have saved myself a great deal of heartache.

But that's all in the past now.

There's no point in looking back in anger, it just turns us into twisted, bitter individuals.  Instead, I just wish them every happiness in the future.  Rinoa is the type of person that Squall has always needed.  She's someone who managed to force him out of his shell, and to take everything a little less seriously.  She taught him about the more important things in life.

I only hope that I can find somebody who will one day, teach me the same thing.

But, even if I don't, I'm not worried.  Being alone doesn't frighten me anymore because I know that I will always have my friends to lean on.  That's one thing that my journey has taught me.  The other, is that I _do _have a place in this world, and there is somewhere that I belong.  

At the end of our long journey to defeat Ultimecia, came a personal victory for me.  

I vanquished all of my demons, and realised that I didn't need a lover or a promotion to be happy.

Instead, I found that I was happy just being Quistis Trepe. 


End file.
